I am afflicted with a curse. I am cursed with the shallow tendency to be attracted to the pure aesthetics of things around me. And to creating clunky sentences.
Cars bore me half to death and I cannot say I exactly love driving them. Though if it looks cool or its design intrigues me then I am fully onboard. The engine or whatever it is I should actually be paying attention to doesn't factor into it.
And so it is with my latest aesthetic interest - pipes. As a child I had a Sherlock Holmes style toy pipe and deerstalker hat as part of a halloween costume. This was possibly my first memory of what a pipe was. Its shape was unusual. It was fun to hold and to put in my mouth. Having that oversized plastic toy in my hand provided a feeling of being grownup and dignified as I paced around my bedroom with my pikachu blanket over my shoulders. I was jealous of Bart Simpson with his pipe that blew bubbles, I remember wanting it more than anything until I forgot about it after about a week. Instead my mother kindly bought me a fake cigar. This 'cigar' puffed out some dust like material out the end to resemble smoke. Surely it was as bad to get in my lungs as the real thing. Though considering it now it was likely much worse.
The logo adorning the Japanese brand Boss Coffee has been a more recent influence on my interest in pipes. The logo being an illustration of William Faulkner's disembodied head with a straight pipe in his mouth. Faulkner, the American literary great of whose work I have yet to read but whose face has adorned a large quantity of cheap coffee cans drunk by yours truly, is an aesthetically cool logo. I guess images of smoking really are that influencing - though admittedly I am a particularly easily influenced individual. Marketers love me.
So now I have been thoroughly influenced, how does one get their hands on a pipe? Maybe I'll enquire to the Worshipful Company of Tobacco Pipe Makers & Tobacco Blenders. Then again that sounds a bit much. There are two particularly well-known establishments in London - James J Fox & Davidoff. I ought to look to them for my pipe.
That being said. My insecurities creep up on me when imagining my experience going to these places. Smoking is not on my agenda as an asthmatic and a hypochondriac so what am I buying this pipe for? A paperweight? When do I need a paperweight? I do not even have a desk, nor do I have any paper that would necessitate weighing down. I do rather like the idea of it hanging out my mouth while I do other things like writing for this blog. I most certainly can't bring myself to tell the staff this. If I make it obvious that I won't be using it for its intended use then they will judge me harshly for being some kind of annoying hipster who has the gall to not want emphysema. Lying about it sounds just as uncomfortable as I imagine them endeavouring to ask lots of questions in order to provide useful advice on pipe smoking while I am forced deeper and deeper into this fictitious prospective pipe smoking persona.
Probably just won't bother then. I'll forget about it in a week anyway. What about getting a typewriter? That could be cool...
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